Needle

Two weeks ago felt like a reminder of what it’s like to be helpless to control anything including myself. Every now and again I do this thing with my moods where I’m not cognizant of my attitude. I get so buried by circumstance, I think very little about my disposition. As a result my moods are more dictated by circumstance than normal. A little blessing will make me dishonest with a momentary burst of excitement or a little piece of bad news will crush me like I suffered a major tragedy. Yet I’m grateful; God doesn’t like me to be in despair or become too hopeful in things not founded in Him.

Then I read this verse in Hebrews 13:5: Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you”. It awakened me to something. Being content with what you have is essentially the solution to everything. If you’re content with what you have, you aren’t in need and when you aren’t in need you feel free to give. To choose to act on that feeling is what makes one generous. To choose to act without a feeling or to give when you’re in lack means you either have given up or are super generous.

I’ve also learned though, ironically, that God’s generosity many times is displayed in what He takes away. God pruning His people is a good example; He takes away what is lacking so it becomes more fruitful. He takes on our burdens shares them so they feel lighter. It’s like receiving a “gift” that you didn’t really want, but then you found relief that someone you know needs one of these things that you had no use for. At this stage I’m hoping to be grateful that He is taking my burdens and already took my sins and the sins of the world. Sometimes the most generous thing can be taking from somebody else.

My grandma is a good example of this. She doesn’t want more stuff from me, not cards cassettes or candy. She wants me to stay at her house and eat her food. She wants to relieve my burdens maybe even if it’s just because she doesn’t want to think about hers. Maybe that’s how God feels sometimes. The world is lost and corrupt and needs a savior, all our movies and best stories tell us this, but what kind of powerful and intimate God comes so close to say, “I’ll take the thing that upsets you, that hurts you, even though it’s a small thing; I’m willing to bear it. I’m willing to bear the big things too, the big things you’ve messed up and the deep hurts of people around you, but even this little one appears too much for you now.”

I think today I’m going to let God love me by taking the good and the bad I have to offer him. I’ll let Him do the taking and be content in what I have and whatever is left over.

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