“Now I will restore the fortunes of Jacob and have mercy on the whole house of Israel, and I will be jealous for my holy name…. And I will not hide my face anymore from them, when I pour out my Spirit upon the house of Israel.”
Origins and Being Known
I like when God says “now” with something positive attached to it. I like it because often in my own life, when I have thought where I am right “now” my default opinion on the matter is dissatisfaction. I blame my name.
James (finding its root in Jacob) means grasp the heel of or to supplant, supersede or replace
Louis- (from Ludvig) means famous in battle
and Passaro (closest similar word is Portugese) means bird.
I have lived like a bird flying, trying to take its place famously in the battle of life and thus far I would say I have knocked it out of the park!……ing spot.
It’s okay to laugh at that. We could cry together, but I’ll be honest, chances are if you’re one of the 8 people who read this blog, you’re a friend, empathetic to the plight of finding your identity and purpose in the world, or are a content, beautiful soul of a person who reads this because I am your friend ,and occasionally, you find a nugget of encouragement.
If you found this here post by accident, yay! What does your name mean? This post might be good; keep reading, it’s too early to tell.
Back to Ezekiel, God the Father has this house, and in it was the nation of Israel. In 2017, God’s house consists of His children, those who put their faith in Christ. His promise is for mercy, that his household will forget their former shame. God is made fully known to the household.
I, at 29 years of age, recognize my desperate need to know God in this fullness, otherwise I’m not leaving this parking spot. My parking spot looks probably much different from yours.
Birds travel “south” or instinctively migrate in the winter. They move every 6 months or so and then park in an area, build a nest and then move again. Birds fly, they live in the clouds, the trees, the lofty places.
They poop on your car because they know there is nothing you can do about it. They fly out of silos right by your face and before you know what hit you they are gone. Birds flight, and rarely fight, which is why my name is such a mess.
My last name is the animal in flight, my middle name describes a person who is famous in the fight or battle. My first name is grasping or seeks to take the place of and is a symbol of struggle for more. I’m a walking contradistinction, a similar concept caught between 2 attributes.
When I begin to fight for what I want, I grasp too tightly; I am terrified to let go, and if in the process I hurt someone I immediately pull away like a child touching a hot stove. If I hurt someone else I simultaneously feel that hurt and mistake it for hurting myself. It’s the empathy in me.
When I walk away or move away, I so badly want to maintain the relationships I cherish and fight for people preserving them in my memory. This is why it is so hard for me to look at bad circumstances, move on and let go of the people who I might need to let go of for the sake of all involved. I’m usually holding onto those memories for far too long. Along with the memory, the pain, along with the pain, the constant uncertainty of forgiveness as a reality.
I was born to be in the battle, even if I wasn’t the best, I wanted to be in the game. I so greatly want to share my story and hear the stories of those around me. I’ve wanted to take people into the sky and see what I see while simultaneously searching for food with others while on the ground.
How do I Build on God and self?
But the confusion persists in the fact that I was a week late. Literally, had to be induced as a baby. I didn’t want to come out. I didn’t grasp anyone’s heel. I’ve never replaced someone. I’ve never ousted someone because of my trickery to get ahead. But I’ve played the victim card. I’ve benched myself. And I’ve gotten better at trying to fight battles with my words, except with my mom.
Why? Because at this stage of the game, as hard as it is to admit, compelling people with my words, though I love to write, love to talk, love to sing, my words and expression only have power if they are grounded in a vibrant relationship with Jesus. His word is where the power is.
I have never allowed my character to catch up with my words. Depending on what you think of how I use my words, you get the idea of how much character still needs to be developed. But this development, this building on a foundation with God always comes with a plan. God knows the end, who we are becoming, what He is doing in us.
This is why the next 6 chapters in Ezekiel are so fascinating. This book ends with a reconstruction plan. But prior to the plan Ezekiel meets the architect. The architect has the appearance of bronze holding a linen cord and a measuring reed and reveals to Ezekiel the plan.
This moment is a transitional moment for Ezekiel. After 39 chapters, the focus shifts from judgment and reconciliation to the blueprint for what the household of God begins to do for God. Now that the people are promised restoration, they are given purpose in their relationship.
This is the season I am in. Remembering the promise of my restoration, given a purpose, and now to quiet myself enough to receive more of my identity as restored, so I can enter into the battle well.