The Reconstructed

Siloh

her tender tone kept me tethered to the ground, counting off my anger as she points to the sheep in “her” field. “how did you get this field, Sie?” The playful smirk. “Daddy, you gave it to me, remember?” I will remember; hopefully, the things I actually give will be worth remembering: gentle consistent obedience, resolute trust in provision, joy to the full.

it was last year we lost (not quite the right word), we adjusted to one less loved one around. momma held us all together, she’s good like that, reminds me to take our daughter on trips, to memorize the roads that map out the mode of her royal identity before God and man. she is peace, she is precious. she helps steady the ship.

this morning Sie taught me it is easier to sing than to argue. that sounds like something my wife told her to say. it’s sound advice. I told her “that would have saved me a lot of aggravation years ago,” but this doesn’t phase her. she imagines no life of mine without her in it. in her mind she is my world and for the most part, aside from the rest of the world, she is.

by late afternoon, after our hike, i’m carrying her half awake to the car. it becomes a game, can I anticipate when she will wake up and when the perfect time to stop for ice cream is on our 40-minute drive home, everything is quiet in the car including my phone when M. calls to check on us. “Sie’s asleep, what’s up deary?” “just making sure you two weren’t too far away.” we’re still her favorites.

carrying 3 ice creams and 3 detached cones in a bag and one Siloh, M opens the door. you’d think we brought her everything she’d ever want. it occurs to me for the first time  that maybe we did. emotion floods me to overflow, I try not to show. but it shows and she knows. we let Sie sleep while we cook and laugh and dance until we, like children make too much noise. we wake her, who does not like to miss out on fun. happy to be awake, she’s even happier that we gave her ice cream though she will only eat half her dinner.

contented she will search both of us with her curious gaze before our feature film, as if to take in our attention before she huddles into our love, she will make sure we have sufficient snack and drink seemingly to ensure no one has reason to move after she inevitably falls asleep. we take bets on who her head ends up on. she is peace, she is precious, she is the best of us.